Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct
slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and
jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance
9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as
NEWS 5..0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems, but to no
avail. What can I do?
Reply From Tech Support:
keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is
an operating system.
enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do
not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as
designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery
2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can
cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly
Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0
(it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all
your system resources.)
addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These
are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and
cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional
software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot
earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to form
two queues -- one line for the men that dominated their women on earth, and the
other line for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the
women to go with St. Peter."
The next time God looked, the women are gone, and there are two lines.
The line for the men who were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and
in the line of men who dominated their women there was only one man.
God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I
created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the
only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them,
my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand
"Husband Shopping Centre" was opened where a woman could go to choose
from among many men, to be her husband. It was laid out in five floors, with
the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The
only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man
from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except
to leave the place. So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men.
First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and
love kids." The women read the sign and say: "Well that's better than
not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So
up they go.
Second floor says: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids,
and are extremely good looking". "Hmmm", say the girls,
"But, I wonder what's further up?".
Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good
looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow!" say the
women. "Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up!" And so again,
they go up.
Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic
streak." "Oh, mercy me. But just think!?!?! What must be awaiting us
further on!" So up to the fifth floor they go.
The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that
women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice
Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe? s first time
ever hunting, so he was following Bob’s lead.
Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he
was and to be quiet!
After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe
what had happened.
Joe said, "There was this snake and he slithered across my feet,
but I never screamed. Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled,
but I never screamed. "
"So then what did make you scream," Bob asked, exasperated.
"Well," Joe continued, "two squirrels crawled up my pants
and I overheard them say, "Should we take them home or eat?em now? "
An old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast table on the
morning of their 50th wedding anniversary.
The old man said,"You know, 50 years ago, we were probably sitting
here buck naked. "
The woman said, "Why don't we try that again? " So they
stripped and sat down at the table again.
Soon the old woman said, "Honey, my boobs are as hot for you today
as they were 50 years ago. "
The man replied, "Of course they are dear, one's in your oatmeal
and the others in your coffee! "
A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of draining and
a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, the doctor initiated a
conversation that went as follows:
D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear.
D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR!L:??EH??D: (shouting) --IN
YOUR EAR! -- A SUPPOSITORY!!!
L: Oh, thank Goodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid....
A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went
to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a
ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road.
The woman said, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here
forty years ago. "
The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and he
immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a june bug. They made love like
Back in the car, the guy says, "Darlin', you sure never moved like
that forty years ago--or any time since that I can remember! "
The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery
store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened a box of animal
crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing? "
his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is
broken," the Boy explained, so "I'm looking for the seal! "